Marty's Movie Reviews #784
Nov. 30th, 2005 04:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loosechanjThe Cave: Wow. And I do mean wow. What a positively bad movie. From the get go I had a sinking feeling. This was going to disappoint. And did it! From the Shatnerian overacting, rice paper thin characters, and horriffic storytelling it would be hard to top this snorer. I'd outline the plot, but to be honest this thing barely held my attention long enough to realize it was about a spelunking crew that gets trapped in a cave inhabited by albino aliens who infect with a parasite when they haven't managed to kill.
Who needs character development when you can use tired old cliches? Hell, who doesn't know the hardass brother who holds his sibling back out of a fear of showing favoritism? Or the alpha jerk overachiever? Or the hot chick? Or the hot brainy woman? They're all here!
Along with a plot that would bore the dead. Oooooh, dangerous cave! Monsters! Trapped, and need a way out! And finally, just when you thought they actually weren't gonna do it, the sequel seed! ZzZZzZzZzZ. Oh sorry. Fell asleep thinking about it.
Movies like this should not only not be made, they shouldn't be written or even conceived of. Ok, maybe that's a tough call. But seriously, if you ever feel the need to write a story like this, for the love of all that is good and pure in this world...DON'T. Just keep it to yourself. How the hell this ever got into theaters I don't know. Should have gone straight to video...the video trash bin that is.
Something tells me my day isn't going to get any better...I'm gonna watch The Brothers Grimm next.
Who needs character development when you can use tired old cliches? Hell, who doesn't know the hardass brother who holds his sibling back out of a fear of showing favoritism? Or the alpha jerk overachiever? Or the hot chick? Or the hot brainy woman? They're all here!
Along with a plot that would bore the dead. Oooooh, dangerous cave! Monsters! Trapped, and need a way out! And finally, just when you thought they actually weren't gonna do it, the sequel seed! ZzZZzZzZzZ. Oh sorry. Fell asleep thinking about it.
Movies like this should not only not be made, they shouldn't be written or even conceived of. Ok, maybe that's a tough call. But seriously, if you ever feel the need to write a story like this, for the love of all that is good and pure in this world...DON'T. Just keep it to yourself. How the hell this ever got into theaters I don't know. Should have gone straight to video...the video trash bin that is.
Something tells me my day isn't going to get any better...I'm gonna watch The Brothers Grimm next.
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Date: 2005-11-30 09:47 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-12-01 12:44 am (UTC)I got the feeling when I watched it that it wanted to be "Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" but was missing something... like, oh, Tom Stoppard.