What's Wrong With The Closet #1

I think, after 8 years of Bush, I'd like to suggest that all gay people in this country go back in the closet. I don't mean don't be gay. Be as gay as you want. Hold hands and make out in public. But if/when anyone asks you about it, just say you're not. And when they point out that you are, in fact, making out with someone of the same sex, be dismayed that they'd even think that could possibly make you gay. When pressed, admit that you do in fact have sex with members of the same gender but that it most definitely does NOT make you gay. When interrogated as to your attraction (or lack thereof) to the opposite sex, dismiss it as irrelevant.

This would be the best practical joke ever.

Stuff #1,839

Sources: 5 U.S. soldiers killed in Baghdad blast

Jesus Christ CNN, is this really what you're calling breaking news? The phrase "breaking news" to me implies something that's going to make me go "HOLKY FUCK", not ho-hum. And seriously, less than hundreds of fucking SOLDIERS dying in A FUCKING WAR does not constitute a "wow". It is not worth a jaw drop. It can wait until a celebrity has finished trying to sell me satisfaction. This is why I consider you the comedy option now, Most Trusted Name in Crying Wolf. Hell, five unfortunate soldiers dying in a war in a single attack doesn't even deserve being called that.

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Lately I've been wondering what's wrong with Obama. As in, I know I should be holding my nose, but I can't quite tell what the smell is. There's gotta be *something*. The sun doesn't shine out of anyone's ass, no matter how many people think so. The trouble is, he comes off as intelligent enough to make sure his skeletons are buried deep in the closet. Like, on the furthest borders of Narnia deep. He's from Chicago right? I think I could handle him having gotten a friend's dog to vote for him at some point. To be honest, I haven't heard anything yet that makes me weep for my country at the idea of him becoming president. Certainly not like Clinton, who reeks of an evil seldom seen outside of the Star Wars saga.

I am also informed by alert LJ friend rockitgrl that he's admitted to smoking marijuana, and inhaling. Please people, there's gotta be something about him that's not cool.

But it's not like it matters, since he has absolutely no chance of getting elected thanks to being black. Le sigh.

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Someone needs to start bottling NYC tap water, they'll make a fortune.

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Police: Teacher Charged Students $5 For Cup Of Beer At House Keg Party

This reminds me of the time I was at an underage party and some people tried to scare me when a cop came into the room. Maybe I'm just a crackerjack observer, but I couldn't help but notice he'd entered from UPSTAIRS. Meaning it was probably his house. In fact, he was the party-giver's dad.

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Also, I ran into Cthulu this morning:


A group of old ladies asked me what it was. They thought it was a jellyfish.

I wonder if men o' war gain status by having meatier tentacles.